A Hug A Day!

It's that time of year again - time to celebrate one of my favorite forms of therapy - hugging. Yes, folks, this Friday, January 21 is National Hugging Day. As I say with most holidays, National Hugging Day needs to be celebrated every day for us to thrive. Virginia Satir, a Wisconsin Marriage and Family Therapist agrees, "For human beings, you need two hugs a day to survive, four hugs for maintenance, six hugs to grow."

The hug is one of the most common human signs
of love and affection.

My Dad was the first person I knew to celebrate hugging! He was truly an inspiration to me and many others. Talk about a giver! He wore a button on his suit coat that said, “Everyday is a hug day” and treated his employees with compassion, honesty and integrity. His team knew they could count on him for support, no matter what, and they knew they’d get a big hug when needed!

According to an article I found in his effects after he died, “Hugging is painless, unless you are hugged by Hulk Hogan." The article ran June 11, 1986 in The Way We Live section of The Detroit Free Press and was titled, “Get Ready for the Big Squeeze” celebrating the 3rd Huggers Holiday. What better way to get your mojo on than a friendly hug.

There are some pretty basic hug styles. Below is a list of the most common types:

• The A-Frame: Shoulders are barely touching. Mostly done by members of the opposite sex
• One Sided: Moving only slightly closer, the huggers have close contact at one shoulder
• Two-Sided: There is close contact with both shoulders, but both stand with lower torsos apart. Sometimes the huggers may even step back and kiss each cheek.
• The Full On: From shoulders to the tips of your toes and every place in between!
• The Group Hug: You get it! Someone in the group yells, “Group Hug” and everyone joins in a big hug!
• The Run-and-Jump: Ever watch reunions at the airport? Those are my favorite – when two people run and jump into each others arms, with huge smiles on their faces – sometimes even tears!

One of my very favorite hug styles is in the form of a "Deep Hugging Meditation". Last year my friend Sean, Director at the Detroit Lotus Sangha, and I shared this practice with our group. It is one of the most powerfully moving styles of hugging I've experienced. It truly connects you with the person you are hugging in a way that shows a deep honor and regard for that soul, affirming that you are really there for them. In this book, Teachings on Love, Thich Nhat Hanh writes, "To be really there, you only need to breathe mindfully, and suddenly both of you become real. It may be one of the best moments in your life."

You might want to let people know ahead of time that you are celebrating National Hugging Day. Click here now to watch a few great National Hugging Day videos!! Remember, it’s all about giving – giving of you to brighten someone’s life, even if for only a moment! Start your hug campaign with a smile, after all a smile is the best way to welcome anyone. How many hugs are you going to give?

Bliss ON!

Time to listen

Rick Schaefer, M.D. posted this quote by Al Guyant on his blog, "The top three rules of effective communication are listen, listen, listen." It is a powerful blog and he offers the top ten ideas that Mr. Guyant suggests using for better listening. I've added some of my own, below.

Jeff (my husband) and I have been practicing mindfulness, meditation and deep listening at the Detroit Lotus Sangha in Ferndale. Detroit Lotus follows the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh, who offers a simple yet profound way of being present in the world. When we began the process we realized that we really didn't listen deeply. Most of us get so caught up in what's happening in our own minds that we pretend to be listening, with simple responses like, "oh, wow, and uh-huh". I know - I do it.

Listening is a skill that we can learn, and "good-listening" will enhance the quality of every relationship, whether personal or professional; your loved ones will realize that you really care and your clients/customers will appreciate that you actually pay attention to their wants and needs. Think about how you like to be treated and you'll know that this feels true.

Here are 8 tips to begin practicing being a better listener. Don't forget to take time to listen to yourself.

1. Be sure to allow enough time for the conversations you share - remember it's a conversation and allow ample time for BOTH parties to converse

2. Be present - keep yourself tuned in to the moment

3. Minimize outside distractions

4. Focus on what they are saying

5. Don't think about what YOU want to say

6. Ask questions, the basics: who, what, where, why, when and how

7. When you ask a question, be patient for the response. Don’t anticipate what you think the response will be

8. Don't give advice unless you are asked

Every day I catch myself not practicing these suggestions (a few years ago, I wouldn't have) especially number 8, particularly when I'm talking with my children. It's my nature to want to solve their problems and see them shine. Simply being aware of the moment that you really need to "be present" in a conversation is a great way to begin.

Here's to sharing your bliss and being heard!

Smile, even when you don't want to!

On January 23, I posted a link from Steve Martile, 10 Tips To Feel Good Instantly by Smiling - I smile most of the time, unless I'm stuffing my face - even then, I'm probably smiling, mainly because I really am a food freak!

Today I'm going to share an experience that reinforces the importance of smiling, even when you don't feel like it.

Most of you may not know that Jeff and I meditate, a lot~in many different ways and unique styles. Recently we've been attending the Detroit Lotus Sangha in Ferndale, MI. The Sangha is following the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh and not only practices with a weekly meditation, they follow one of his books and share it in a group discussion every week. We love this group; it's an incredible community.

When one of the guests came in, I smiled brightly at her. She smiled back and when she asked how I was, I said, "Fabulous". She giggled and I thought to myself, "Wow, how lucky for me to hear such a beautiful sound." Whether she thought I was crazy or simply felt happier didn't matter, she smiled with a giggle, and my smile grew bigger!

Minutes later, another guest mentioned to me that he had been thinking of me. He said when he saw me for the first time I was smiling brightly and he thought to himself that "She must be having a good moment". Then he saw me the next week and I smiled equally as bright. He said, "I realized you are a smile and you make others want to smile, too." He finished with, "Today as I walked with mindfulness on the way in, I thought of you, and smiled!"

Ok, that was really one of the nicest compliments I have ever received. Yes, Molly,(that's my daughter) I am crying; tears of bliss, of course.

Thich Nhat Hanh said, "Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful."

Bliss On my friends!javascript:void(0)