Time to listen

Rick Schaefer, M.D. posted this quote by Al Guyant on his blog, "The top three rules of effective communication are listen, listen, listen." It is a powerful blog and he offers the top ten ideas that Mr. Guyant suggests using for better listening. I've added some of my own, below.

Jeff (my husband) and I have been practicing mindfulness, meditation and deep listening at the Detroit Lotus Sangha in Ferndale. Detroit Lotus follows the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh, who offers a simple yet profound way of being present in the world. When we began the process we realized that we really didn't listen deeply. Most of us get so caught up in what's happening in our own minds that we pretend to be listening, with simple responses like, "oh, wow, and uh-huh". I know - I do it.

Listening is a skill that we can learn, and "good-listening" will enhance the quality of every relationship, whether personal or professional; your loved ones will realize that you really care and your clients/customers will appreciate that you actually pay attention to their wants and needs. Think about how you like to be treated and you'll know that this feels true.

Here are 8 tips to begin practicing being a better listener. Don't forget to take time to listen to yourself.

1. Be sure to allow enough time for the conversations you share - remember it's a conversation and allow ample time for BOTH parties to converse

2. Be present - keep yourself tuned in to the moment

3. Minimize outside distractions

4. Focus on what they are saying

5. Don't think about what YOU want to say

6. Ask questions, the basics: who, what, where, why, when and how

7. When you ask a question, be patient for the response. Don’t anticipate what you think the response will be

8. Don't give advice unless you are asked

Every day I catch myself not practicing these suggestions (a few years ago, I wouldn't have) especially number 8, particularly when I'm talking with my children. It's my nature to want to solve their problems and see them shine. Simply being aware of the moment that you really need to "be present" in a conversation is a great way to begin.

Here's to sharing your bliss and being heard!